Back in December - I got diagnosed with COVID19. Regardless of where you stand on the disease, it rocked my shit. In this lengthy recovery process - I've been thinking. Probably too much.
This was a post I made the day after I my positive test back. Personally, my biggest fear was the possible complications with my blood clots since I have a history with them.
The body pain lasted a couple of days, the fatigue lasted about a month, and the rest is pretty much back to normal.
Except for my taste and smell.
I still don't have those. I can't smell anything. Everything tastes the same; like nothing.
Something about me is that I LOVE to eat.
Good day? Eat. Bad day? Eat. Happy? Eat.
Sad? Eat.
You get the picture.
Since nothing sounds good or tastes good anymore, I stopped comforting myself with food. Might as well eat a salad instead of a pizza, I mean. What is the point in pizza if I don't get the joy from it?
Wait - I get joy... From pizza? Ashleigh, I'mma need to reword that. You get comfort from pizza?
Yes - I did. I still love pizza, but I realized I why I was eating it was just as unhealthy as how often I was eating it. I'm not saying I had any type of eating disorder - I'm not saying that at all.
It was just incredibly eye opening to me when I sat down, unable to taste anything, and I was choosing an empty option. In those weeks of illness, my body didn't need comfort, it needed nutrition. It needed things it could actually use in order to help me recover and come back.
How often do we choose the empty option? Not just food or calorie wise - but with all our choices. We choose something we know is safe or comforting when really we have to do the hard thing or uncomfortable thing in order to grow. We fill ourselves with things that, will most certainly make us full and happy in the moment, but is bound to leave us bloated, unhappy, and self-loathing later.
Since COVID - I've lost 12 pounds and I actually have a better relationship with food.
I have also developed a new mindset around everything I put in my body: food, thoughts, energies I'm around, shows, etc.
Because I want to put in my body the good stuff - the stuff that is going to help me recover when I need to and push through when I have to.
I hope I'm the good stuff, too.