Get out of your OWN damn way
So, we moved to Knoxville about six months ago now. We've tried a lot of new things: kickboxing, hiking, ghost tours, farmers' markets, museums, churches, the list goes on.
This has been such an exciting, scary, stressful, uncertain part of my life. I left my family. I left my job. Hell, I left what I thought was my forever career. I left everything I have ever known, moved six hours away with fiance, to the mountains of East Tennessee. (Big Orange Country for you sports fans.) No job lined up. I don't know a soul out here.
Honestly, I've been scared shitless. Blake takes wonderful care of me. He takes care of everything. When we moved, he said I should take time off to "find myself" and "find what really makes me happy." DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY THAT IS. It's made me think about hard questions. Does anyone really ever "find themselves." What is happiness. What is MY happiness. No one out here knows my family. No one out here cares that I used to be on the radio. No one thinks my little country, quirky one liners are funny (I mean, did anyone ever really?). I'm not a small town "celebrity" anymore. I don't have to uphold a certain image anymore...
What is my image.
Who am I, without anything to hide behind. When everything I've ever known or done it taken away, what left? Now, THAT'S a million dollar question.
I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm so nervous. I haven't been this nervous since the first time I was on the air for SWAP SHOP in Union City. (if you know, you know.) Questions like, what if I'm not qualified. What if they don't like me. What if I'm not smart enough to learn something new. What if I never find friends out here. What if, what if, What if. WHAT IF I got out of my own damn WAY!
What if I said:
I know I'm qualified for this job, and I have the resume to prove it.
If they don't like me, there is a job out there with an Ashleigh sized hole, waiting to be filled.
One day I'm going to find the people who die laughing at my "explosive, pooping the backyard after too much Chinese food" story I love to act out so much.
What if I woke up every morning, waiting on and expecting everything great the universe has to to give me. I show up, and I act like the badass that belongs in this moment. This place. This time I'm meant to be in. I bet that is where I find myself. My happiest self.
What would your life look like if you got out of your own damn way?